Golden Years-Part 1: Road to 10 Pounds

While the rest of you women have been bickering between yourselves on twitter on who is hotter or who said what about who ...guess what I've been doing? I've been out on the road, traveling between high school gyms, bingo parlors, bars,and even backyards. While you all SAY you are training for the WWR Opening Salvo, I've been actually fighting. Y'know, the thing we are all paid to do. Death matches, weapons, matches, last person standing, I quit matches, gauntlet matches, stuff on a pole matches ...that's what I've been doing since the Opening Salvo was announced. You can shove all of this hypothetical training up your asses. Agnes Gertrude gets things done. She doesn't spend all night typing on social media about it. You know what I do instead, and I can't believe that this is lost on people within the pro wrestling business. But do you know what I do instead of social media?

...I SHOOT!

That's right. The art of cutting promos hasn't been lost on me, but for some reason it seems to have been lost to a whole generation of glory hounds and opportunists who want to use the business to promote themselves rather than FIGHT. So ladies, you innocent little cream puffs, tonight, I shoot. But I'm not going to shoot on YOU. No, there is a bigger goal in mind. There has been something that has been alluding me my whole career that I need to attend to before I can't go anymore. And that is the good old, reliable 10 pounds!

Now, I know I have an opportunity for the Revolution Championship this coming Opening Salvo, and I will get to that and the importance of THAT title ...as well as each of the women I will be facing. But right now, I want to talk about something no one has been talking about, but something that EVERYONE should be clamoring for. Now, yeah, you got a bunch of little girls talking about holding A championship. Because they are so desperate for ANY type of validation, they'll take whatever title they can't get. Tag, secondary, hardcore, lower, television, or world. It doesn't matter to them. As long as they can have some kind of trinket, they want it to flaunt it to the rest of the world. But while we SHOULD be talking about what happens with the World title and making a play for that title while it is still vacant; while they should be vowing to fight to the best of their damn ability to even be considered for that prestigious honor, they will take whatever piece of tin you give them because they aren't picky. But more importantly, they'll take it because they aren't fighters. They are princesses.

I don't want A title. I want THE title.

Being the World Champion doesn't just mean you are the best fighter in the damn company, but the best in the whole damn world. Only a handful of people get to call themselves that and we should be piling over each other for that prize for THAT reason. We should all be staking our claim right THE FUCK NOW to be the first ever WWR World Heavyweight champion. That is every wrestler's number one goal and primary dream in this industry ...and fortunately for you people, that isn't lost on me. I will be the one to wake you all up, by beating the living shit out of you, to make you realize the importance of the world title and what we are all fighting for here.

Now why is the ten pounds of gold important to me as a fighter and a human being. Because when I was at my peak, I should've held World title gold SOMEWHERE. I was beating the shit out of women and men all across the territories and the indies since the God damn 1980's. You kids like the eighties, right? It was this magical time of Spielberg and neon colors, right? Wrong. It was a tragic time of the threat of nuclear war, stranger danger, and the worst cocaine fits I've ever had. But I've been in battles since then and never ONCE was I considered for a World title shot. Despite having all the wins and gruesome matches, booking never gave me the call. Why? Because I was a woman. Then why didn't I get it in the Women's company I was in? Because I was too gruesome of a fighter and not "pretty" enough to be considered a "main eventer." I was relegated to the side show. I was seen as something that people could come see, but not "presentable" enough to hold the main title. And, times being what they were, I accepted that. You couldn't fight the system back then.

But now we are living in the time of a Women's Revolution. Those chains have been completely saudered off and ANYONE can be the World Champion. Any Woman who wants to fight can hold the gold. And I'll be damned if I don't get to hold that ten pounds once in my God damn life. THAT'S why I'm here. THAT is my journey and my sacrifice. I might be a bit broken and not be anywhere near the most pleasant thing to look at, but I KNOW I can hold that gold. I know that I can be the best in the company and be that bad ass bitch who puts butts in the seats. I know I can do that. And I will do that.

By year's end, Agnes Gertrude will hold the WWR World Championship and there is not a thing any of you pretty young things can do about it because I am the Mother of Violence.

So how does the Revolutionary title play into this? Because where I come from, the secondary belt isn't just a trinket or a toy ...it means you are next in line. It means that you are ready to face the World Champion. It means you are close. And that is what the Revolution title is to me. A chance to prove that I deserve that I deserve that damn stage as much as the three women main eventing the opening Salvo. Beating these six other women and going onto the PPV to win the Revolution title means that I AM THE ONE THAT THE WORLD CHAMPION NEEDS TO FEAR. That I will be the one waiting in the wings as I shut down every challenger to my title. And I will be the champion that she will always have to overshadow in the Main Event because of the beating I am putting on before her. THAT'S why winning this scramble, eviscerating my opponents, and winning the ladder match matters so much. It is all apart of my road to those ten pounds that will be around my waist by the end of the year.

Oh, and to my opponents in the scramble, I will be shooting on each and every one of you...

One by fucking one.